Happy Memorial Day!- Today we are celebrating the holiday in style with 2 videos. I need to head to a cookout so im not writing anything other than the titles… but enjoy….
Very American: Man Catches Foul Ball In Beer—Proceeds To Chug It
Completely Un-American: 2-Year-Old From Indonesia Smokes 40 Butts A Day
And this my friends is why im proud to be American. So much of the world is still so uneducated and it’s sad.
Christopher Gribble. You must remember the name. Charged with first degree murder in the slaying of Kimberly Cates last October? Had a few other asshats that accompanied him? Admitted guilt and said they entered the house in the pre-dawn morning with the intent to kill anyone who got in the way? Yeahhh that’s the one.
I was reading the Union Leader this afternoon, and according to a fellow inmate who was released earlier this week, Gribble is now apparently saying he did not take part in the actually take part in the killing. In fact, he told inmate that Spader ‘went nuts’ and that he even told the little Cates girl to run. Kind soul.
Horse. Shit.
He’s scared. He’s been in protective custody at prison since receiving countless death threats and suggestions on how to commit suicide from other inmates. Crimes against women and children, like the one Gribble committed, are looked down upon by some of the hardest criminals. He’s trying to distance himself from the crime so that he doesn’t get killed while he spends the rest of his life behind bars.
While I’m on the subject, the other two who are charged with lesser crimes (burglary, conspiracy to commit burglary, armed robbery), should be charged with more than that. So what if they didn’t actually commit the murder? They knew damn well what was going to happen. They are just as guilty.
Edouard Starbuck, a pirate from Hyannis Mass, was pulled over in Boscawen on Monday night for having a broken tail-light. After police pulled him over, they found him to be visibly (haha- get it?) impaired, AND he had 51 pot plants crammed into his Toyota Yaris subcompact. Things must be tough out there on the seven seas, or else I can’t imagine Captain Starbuck would be driving a Toyota Yaris. Although he normally transports only spices, tobacco, tea, and rum, Captain Starbuck has recently had to move onto peddling pot to make a living. When asked why he had so many pot plants, the Captain responded with a sad tale of the sea. ”Aaarrrgg. It’s tough out there, ye know? You landlovers just go over to the ole’ Stop and Shop, and get all the spices, tobacco, and tea you want. Arrrgggg. And if ye want rum, thar be liqour stores aplenty along these there highways. How am I to make me livin’? ” Just breaks your heart, doesn’t it? Release the Captain!
Portsmouth- A homeless man was arrested on his birthday Tuesday night for attacking another white male with a rock. Police say alcohol was definitely a factor, and several people were involved. Said one officer- “I mean, even drunk, this guy’s pretty dreamy! With a wardrobe change and a fresh new hairstyle, this guy could be a ten!”. An onlooker also commented on the man’s good looks- “It’s like, even when he was hitting that other guy’s head with the rock, you felt like you were the only person that mattered. It’s in his eyes…they’re so deep. They see right into your soul, and you know, you just know man, that he thinks you’re special.”
The suspect is encouraged to call me and ask me on a date to the soup kitchen. My treat!
Yes. The Smart Car. Although… I have an alternative name for it. The ‘How old were you when you fell down the stairs and rendered yourself so mentally incapable of making well informed decisions that you now need assistance wiping your own ass.’ You betcha. Let me state this, though: I would not have any issues with this car if it was named something else. Don’t give me any of that “rose by any other name malarkey” either. It’s not smart. Don’t try any of that Tom Foolery with the name.
This go-kart has got to be the most impractical thing on four wheels you could ever ask for. The wimpy engine gives you the power of a thousand field mice, shooting you to 60 mph in just 14.1 seconds. If you get in an accident with anything other than a motorcycle, you’ll most likely end up like Christopher Reeves, without the attention. Also, If you have a passenger, where the hell do you put your man-purse while your drive??
But the gas mileage must be through the roof! (I can read your thoughts from here.) Wrong. Well, the European spec model gets an ethnocentrically unreal high gas mileage of about 55 mpgs. However, we live in America, and this little Matchbox car only gets a combined 36 miles a gallon… On the positive side, it does have relatively low C02 emissions.
Someone please explain to me why this car would ever be a smart choice for a vehicle.
1:29 p.m. Responded to Market Street for a report about someone who attempted to steal a cooking pan, then dropped it and fled when observed by an employee.
1:52 p.m. An Eastwood Drive resident reported a home was toilet-papered
1:06 p.m. — Received a call from a hospital employee stating that there’s been “a lot of cases involving skin reactions related to cocaine laced with levamisole.
10:02 p.m. A caller reported someone in his neighborhood who drove by while giving an obscene gesture
3:59 p.m. A woman phoned several times to say she was going to be deported to Mexico
My favorite personal ad of the day, thank you craigslist!
feminine bisexual male seeks intersexed/hermaphrodite female for ltr – 32
“32 year old feminine bisexual male.
seeks a Intersexed/Hermaphrodite female 18 to 32 for long term Monogamous relationship.
Looking for true love not games so please be real.
Must be d/d free. Moderate drinkers and light smokers are ok.
Must be willing to accept people for where they are at in life and willing to travel to meet me.
If you have pictures of yourself please send them.
Serious replies only. Jerks users and losers and abusers need not apply only real people need apply.”
Once you get over the shock of the headline, it’s actually a pretty normal ad! Although, this guy may want to reconsider his standards…do you know how fucking hard it is to find a hermaphrodite? No? Well, take my word for it- fucking difficult. Good luck to you sir/mam’!
Edouard Starbuck, a pirate from Hyannis Mass, was pulled over in Boscawen on Monday night for having a broken tail-light. After police pulled him over, they found him to be visibly (haha- get it?) impaired, AND he had 51 pot plants crammed into his Toyota Yaris subcompact. Things must be tough out there on the seven seas, or else I can’t imagine Captain Starbuck would be driving a Toyota Yaris. Although he normally transports only spices, tobacco, tea, and rum, Captain Starbuck has recently had to move onto peddling pot to make a living. When asked why he had so many pot plants, the Captain responded with a sad tale of the sea. ”Aaarrrgg. It’s tough out there, ye know? You landlovers just go over to the ole’ Stop and Shop, and get all the spices, tobacco, and tea you want. Arrrgggg. And if ye want rum, thar be liqour stores aplenty along these there highways. How am I to make me livin’? ” Just breaks your heart, doesn’t it? Release the Captain!
1:29 p.m. Responded to Market Street for a report about someone who attempted to steal a cooking pan, then dropped it and fled when observed by an employee.
